Holy Smoke and Mirrors!

Holy Smoke and Mirrors!

This past Lenten season, while some people gave up chocolate or doomscrolling, I gave up subtlety.

With the incredible trust of my church warden and priest (who may or may not have regretted it later), I was given the green light to launch a passion project that’s been brewing in my brain for years: a community workshop I have retroactively called "Holy Smoke and Mirrors!" (I had no clue what to name it at the time.)

Yes, during Lent. Because what better time to reflect on power, group dynamics, and how to keep your faith community spiritually rich without veering into “drink the Kool-Aid” territory?

What Was This Workshop About?

For those wondering—no, we didn’t don robes, chant in Latin, or form a commune in the church basement. Instead, we explored the subtle (and not-so-subtle) psychology behind cult behavior: what makes people follow manipulative leaders, how coercive control creeps in like a gas leak, and why even perfectly lovely groups can accidentally tiptoe into toxic territory.

• What makes someone susceptible to undue influence?

• Can a well-meaning group still become harmful?

• And how do we build communities that challenge us to grow without controlling the way we think, feel, or belong?

This wasn’t just about cults with capital C’s—it was about patterns: patterns we sometimes see in churches, classrooms, group chats, and family dinners.

The goal? To give people the tools to recognize those red flags before they’re waving from a compound in the desert.

I’ve long been obsessed with this topic. Not because I want to start a cult (I promise), but because I believe we’re all better off when we understand how influence works—and how to resist the unhealthy kind.

Plus, it turns out, dissecting control systems is weirdly fun. And even better, the work I’ve put into these sessions has developed into something more, a new project I’m calling “How to Not Start a Cult (Probably).”

Thank you to everyone who came, questioned, joked, and reflected with me—thank you.

And to my fearless church leaders: thank you for letting me stage a spiritual TED Talk on manipulation instead of a Lenten soup night. You’re brave souls. I’m grateful.

To those who missed it—don’t worry. I’ve got more weird, wonderful workshops up my sleeve. And a book. And some speeches.

Just, you know, not the kind that requires a loyalty oath.