How to Not Start a Cult (Probably)

What would society look like if abusive people didn’t get what they want?

From office politics, to kids activities, to places of worship, we complain constantly about the difficult people in our circles, and how toxic it is to be around them.

We try hard to accommodate, to get along, to make things work, but it never seems to get better. Worse, we try to control the situation, or inflict consequences on the for being generally awful human beings, and it only ever seems to blow up in our faces.

We never stop to ask ourselves why it is they keep being awful.

The short answer is they keep doing what they are doing because they are getting what they want. They also get more of what they want when they gather people around them that will give them what they want, and they can keep getting what they want by exerting control through fear, obligation, or guilt. They won’t stop if you ask them, they won’t stop if you communicate clearly, they won’t stop if you beg, and they have a lot of tools in the toolbag to rule the roost and achieve their goals.

Join me in 2026 for “How to Not Start a Cult (Probably)” to explore how we can build healthier social systems by making the tools abusive people useless.

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